Folowing the sensational article by JNF’s CEO – Mr.Rafi Shtendel exposing the truth beneath the forests,
We sent our reporter – Zipporah Wing Bar Scoop- to chek the responses in the field.
Is every tree planted in JNF forests so proud to be there that is pride tickles the clouds? Is it possible to feel like a member to superior race, when you part of that magical green – Canada Park?
Apparently not all trees feel that way, ever since JNF officials changed the information sign in the park.
Has postmodern anti-semitism grown slowly from the very ground we stand on?
Have we, with our very hands planted and cultivated the very ones who desire our annihilation?
This how a particularly dissident tree reacted upon discovering the truth behind, or rather underneath, the park …
A group of profiteers! Liars! Racists!!! Until today, I lived under the illusion that I had been planted to be a tree and grow like a tree, not in order to hide the ruins of Imwas and Yalu-villages destroyed by the IDF in 1967. I am an unwilling accomplice! Why don’t you stand right here without moving to hide the distruction? I don’t want to be here anymore! I ask that you cut me down right now! Right now!!!
I want to go to Auschwitz! To Dachau! You make me feel like covering up a ghetto! Help the Holocaust deniers! At least there I’d have snow! I am a snow tree, don’t you know ?
There, at least , the price would be worth it – here I’m both accomplice and a victim of a shitty climate that doesn’t suit me.
Fuck you Rabin! Not that I condone your assassination but still, if you were destined to get shot, why not on time?
Why not back in 67?
A moment before you gave the order to destroy those villages?
You see JNF – folks? I don’t belong in your park- I’m a mean, subversive tree who hates Rabin.
Cut me down and transfer me. Find another tree to climb! I’m nothing but weed, and my roots feed on clotted Muslim blood.
I’m a Goy!
A little bird whispered to me once that I have British roots. I deserve an EU passport!
Maybe you made a mistake?
A small one – you meant to plant me in Canada, not in Canada Park.
I demand that the mistake be corrected immediately! Right now!
I wish I had legs to stand on. One day I’ll grow hands and then I’ll saw your legs off and steal them for myself and all my friends.
I’d settle for an asshole – I’d fart so much that all the tourists would run away, until you’d give in and cut me down!
Have you no shame,picking on a pine tree?
I wish I were plutonium – then I’d show you.
Excuse me, tree-?
How is it being a tree?
I’d rather be a glycerol suppository stuck in Joseph Franz Stengel’s ass, or toilet paper soaked with Miss Piggy’ s shit
I wish I were AIDS (sounds like “tree” in Hebrew)
An AIDS tree
The AIDS doesn’t fall far from the tree.
You and me, sitting on the tree, soon I give you HIV. I’m funny, at least I’m funny.
I’m a bloody stand-up comedian. Not! Even my jokes are lame. I don’t even have a mouth! It’s temporary, a prosthetic, just for this monologue.
And don’t you dare to tell me that “the Syrian trees are worse off because they don’t have even that”.
What did that sign teach me any way? I rather not know
It’s agonizing really-knowing all that, and not being able to do anything. I don’t have the means to walk away. I can’t even avoid standing stiff when the Memorial Day siren sounds, or when they sing the national anthem. I hope the smarter part of humanity would do what I want to and can’t.
This is my will: after you cut me off, turn me into textbooks about the Nakba. Would you rather have a boat and sail away? Fine- chop me off into a boat, so long as you do something! And chop me off gently , will you? Gently…
Hold that saw for a minute, not yet.. Let me reconsider, OK? I’m a coward! I hate myself. I’m the inferior race! I’m the inferior race!
That’s me! That’s me!
And you JNF folks, are beneath me! Way beneath me!
I wish for an earthquake.